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sick
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That car got a RCM motor mount under the hood?
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so a black guy in a korean car pulls into a Chevy dealer......
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:sarcastic:
Heres another good joke: Toyota Prius :rofl: The joke is that it barely gets 40mpg or something like that & its ment to be saving the planet (all the trendy people have one- "look at me, I drive a prius because I care about the enviroment...."). A half decent diesal can get 40mpg, or a decent modern diesel can do in excess of 60mpg- even decent petrol engines can do well over over 40mpg if they arent silly 5.0 litre monsters and what not. Honda Clarity ftw... :yes: |
Here's a better joke:
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago . Nothing Is Moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold Up?' 'Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton,Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.' The driver asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?' 'About a gallon' |
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Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.
"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do." O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done." "Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity." O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain it through me kidneys first?" |
Dog Pack Attacks Gator In Florida
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty... The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the "apex predator", can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and "survival of the pack mentality" bred into the canines. See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the gator. Not for the squeamish http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/s.../untitledm.jpg |
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Redneck Motorcycle
http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/m.jpg Bass Boat http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/n-1.jpg The Grill http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/o.jpg Lawnmower http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/p.jpg Pet Carrier http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/l.jpg The Cat http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/mnn.jpg Guest Bedrooms http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/lk.jpg Palm Pilot http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/kl.jpg You need fashion tips from your husband..... http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/mk.jpg You wear a shirt like this for your engagement picture..... http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/mnm.jpg |
Your wedding picture looked like this...
http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/s...st5s/mnmmm.jpg And your wedding cake looked like this..... http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/dr.jpg Your doghouse looks like this... http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/gh.jpg You have a deer's butt for a door bell..... http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/fh.jpg You don't need a lake to do a little skiing..... http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/op.jpg Or if your wife is quoted in the local paper saying.... http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss226/Fast5s/yu.jpg |
:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
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Ahh man i needed that,
I have a Question. If 2 Rednecks get a divorce are they still Brother and Sister? |
this is great we need a humor thread!
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Q: How do u describe Redneck foreplay?
A:Get in the truck Bitch! |
So a bar gets a donkey as a tab payment and doesn't know what do do with it.
One of the managers comes up with a contest idea to see if anyone can make the donkey laugh. The put a large fish tank by the door and charge 5 dollars per entry, the winner gets whatever is in the fish tank. Months go by and no one is successful. Finally one night a stranger walks in and drops his 5 bucks in the tank and goesinto the room with the donkey. Pretty soon everyone can hear the donkey laughing away, haw haw, hee haw, haw haw haw, hee haw, and so on. The stranger proceeds to collect his money and leave. Dissapointed the bar employees ponder over a new contest idea with the donkey. The manager decides to have the contest be to make the donkey cry, same fish tank, same 5 dollar entry. Again months go by and the fish tank fills up but alas no winners. Well in one night walks the same stranger who won the first contest. He drops his 5 dollars in the tank and goes to the room with the donkey. Pretty soon everyone hears the donkey boohooing away like he lost his mother. Out walks the guy to collect his money when the manager stops him. The manager says "look you'll get your money and all but we really wanna know how you did that" The stranger says "well to make him laugh I told him my penis was bigger than his" then he pauses: The manager says "and to make him cry" The stranger says "oh that, I just pulled it out and proved it to him" |
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What did the redneck do when he seen his wife stumbleing around in the backyard ?
He shot her again. |
What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? - Nothing, shes already been told twice
A man runs over a woman. Who's fault is it? - Wait! Better question.. Why was he driving in the kitchen? How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? - None, the bitch can cook in the dark. |
Joke
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once in a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, "Ma'am, There are $20 bills falling out of your bag." "'Oh, really? Darn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back, and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.." "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?' You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thing through the fence, I say, '$20 or off it comes." "Well, that seems only fair." laughs the cop. "OK? Good Luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?'' "Well, you know", says the little old lady, "not everybody pays." |
NEVER ASSUME THAT MEN UNDERSTAND.
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, 'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little '0ral Sex' will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.' The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran back into the room. What happened!? they cried. The husband said, I'm not sure; maybe she choked ?? |
Fresh from the shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror
complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds' Willing to try anything, she fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. 'How long will this take?' she asks. 'They will grow larger over a period of years,' the husband replies. She stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without missing a beat he says 'Worked for your Ass, didn't it?' |
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.. Whose funeral is it?' 'My wife's. 'What happened to her?' The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.' He inquired further, 'But, who is in the second hearse?' The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.' A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men. 'Can I borrow the dog?' 'Get in line.' |
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Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more!!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried. The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "freeze a jolly good fellow." " Then they kick him in the ice hole." Hey ..... I don't make them up. I just send them on !!! Cheers !!! |
haha actually is there any truth that penguin story? cause come to think of it how come you don't see dead frozen penguins..........
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"haha actually is there any truth that penguin story? cause come to think of it how come you don't see dead frozen penguins.......... "
Come to think of it, when has Antarctica been a tourist destination! :whistle: |
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I did not make that up. It's the tech term for the tobacco-related "mosaic" virus. |
"Psssst it's Dave, open up..."
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"go away. I'm naked"
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Adolf hitler only had 1 testicle.
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Adolf was jewish. nuf said.
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no, but I brought some beads........:whip: |
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