Opinions Needed..Should Violent Video Games Be Banned?
 

Doing a speech about this topic..
Need some opinions as well as sources if anyone happened to "stumble" upon them.... *If you want...*

I think they shouldn't...

Although some people play violent video games and become more "aggressive", games are a common way of relieving stress, especially if they are violent. They also improve hand-eye coordination (ever seen a kid who has never played games play tennis?), and if they're strategic games (like CoD..or something), they can work the mind. Even though more PG13 games do the same, the violent aspect can add some realism as to the possibilities of the real world. Violent video games have been prone to being the main "cause" of violent crimes, such as school shootings. However violent video games is simply a scapegoat, I mean, how many kids do you know (teenagers) play violent games? Now how many shootings have there been, maybe 10 or so? Out of what, a zillion kids?

These are just some rough opinions I have, I still have yet to do hard research, but most results lead to a general idea of this..

Just wondering what everybody else thinks..

I feel like banning video games just because they are violent is a little ridiculous. I think that people are violent because something in their life is missing or they are having their own issues in life. Sure, a kid might play CoD and get a knowledge about guns and how to use them, and see the images of people dying and the like, but it doesn't mean he/she is going to go shoot somebody. The problem here isn't the video games, it's the parents. They buy their 8-12 year old M rated games with guns, gore, and the like and forget about them. I feel like some parents in this day and age don't really care about their children, they just buy them a video game and then they don't have to deal with them.

People just tend to blame their problems on everything else around them, and I see this everywhere. Their kids are snotty brats and they blame it on violent video games while in reality it is their poor parenting that caused them to be like that. People that kill other people have much deeper issues than something they have seen in a video game.

However, there is one aspect of Video Games that I see as a very bad influence, especially on younger kids, and that's online play. Many times when I used to play CoD there would be a little kid on voice chat, probably 10 or so, they cuss and cuss and cuss because they think they sound cool and want to impress all the big boys playing the game. They also get teased because of their whining, high voices, annoying-ness etc, and that sort of online bullying can be pretty detrimental to a kid. My future kids will not be playing any online games (especially shooters) until they show they are mature enough in that sort of environment. They are rated "mature" for a reason.

I don't have any sources, it's just my own opinion, I personally think it's just stupid and people just find something else to blame for their problems.

Banning anything based on some arbitrary criteria sounds too much like "Big Brother" to me. People should have the choice to do what they want provided they are educated on the type of content. And if the ban is aimed at kids, I think it's the parent's responsibility to control what they are allowed to play. Period. Same thing with TV programming.

Yeah, some people are gonna go off the deep end (or use these games as justification for irrational behavior), but Darwin will handle those as needed.

They are only games. If someone builds a trap that cuts someone's leg off are they going to ban the childrens game mouse trap ( if it's even around anymore) or if a kid cuts someone open to pull out there heart are they gonna ban Operation? Violent video games are just a scape goat. As you already said, look at the millions of copys of these type games that have been sold and then look at the number of kids that play them that have committed violent crimes. Personally I don't care for these games but thats just my taste. I like driving games, but does that mean that when I get a speeding ticket I can blame the video game, no, the game didn't commit the offense. Parents need to start being parents again and punishing there kids when they misbehave. Todays society makes parents afraid to do so though for fear of losing their kids. A good spanking never hurt me, for more than a couple minutes, when I did something wrong and it made me think before I did something like it again. But nowadays parents put their kids in timeout for 5 minutes because they think that spanking is cruel or fear being charged with child abuse....Screw that, spank the kid when they do something wrong and teach them a lesson, maybe that'll stop them from going out and shooting up a school if they know that there is punishment for their actions

+1

My youngun's occassionally play games (not violent ones, of course, they're too young) and they get frustrated as it is. So it is no matter if they are rated MA (mature adult), PG (parental guidence) or G (general) it is a choice one self (or ones parents) should be allowed to make.

Not this again. :lol:

Well, here's my $0.02.....

Only irresponsible women would ever vote in favor of this ban.

If they have kids, the kids probably have the games already and like them, but their Mother is afraid that they'll grow up thinking violence is OK. So naturally, instead of teaching her children what is right and wrong, she would rather just simply ban the offensive media.

Hence the irresponsible part...

The man in the relationship most likely plays the violent games with the children and enjoys it just as much as they do! :rofl:

Hence only the women...

Violence in video games.
 

Personally I do not play video games of any kind, and I do think that some games are just too violent for kids of younger age groups. I see video games as a huge waist of time being none productive in nature. Being used as a time filler while traveling or waiting on other apointments is not so bad, but kids end up playing these games for hours on end accomplishing absolutely nothing. yes our kids do play video games, but we limit them to some extent. Still this should be up to the parents who have the responsibility of raising them. Banning any kind of video games will only make them more valuable and create a black market for them. Besides whether or not they ban these types of games there will still be nuts, kooks, weirdos, and freaks who will commit horrible crimes no matter what our society does. Thats just the nature of the human mind and its free will.

Everyone has an opinion about things like this and our Gov already gets involved in way more than it was ever meant to be in control of. The basis of our nations freedoms is that we as adults get to choose our own paths in life and that of our children. Sure there may be some moral reasoning that makes sense to a lot of people in these areas, but because of our human rights and the original constitution we have the right to make those choices for ourselves and for our kids. We have to believe that a ban will never happen, nor will it stop any violence. Otherwise our freedoms mean absolutely nothing.

There is nothing that any of us can really do in order to stop the horror from happening, but we can set examples that will deter them from happening, like stop the abuse of the apeals process for murderers, rapists, and violent criminals, and speed up the sentencing for death row inmates. Once convitcted as a violent criminal why should we bare the expense of caring for these degenerate. Pay for the bullet and give them the right for a speedy trial, and quick sentencing. Take them out back of the courthouse immediately after hearings, and trials and get-er-done. Make it known to everyone that the system finally works and people may think twice about getting involved in a life of crime in the first place. Crimnals laugh at our system the way it works today, because it doesn't work. We are weak and way to worried about being politically correct in stead of taking care of business. Enough said.

Your my favourite author! but I know this is fiction for two reasons 1- It's too simple :sarcastic: 2- lawyers would be twiddling there thumbs or out of work. Don't you know there on hourly rate? When people are given a few more months or years they can afford to go back to court. Lawyers thrive on crackpots that blame video games for their actions.
















Sorry if there is a lawyer in here.

Nothing needs to be banned, just increase the level of parenting ?

Good luck with your write up young man.

I believe it is the parental concerns that are the true issue.

However I do blame some attributes to the video games. Especially online violent versions. Kids, and well everyone, get a sense of confidence that they do not have in the real world playing these games. It can become a serious problem when mixed back into the real world. They only know how to function in society through their online persona created by playing these video games. They grow cocky and rude, thinking they are truly great at something and that their life has a sense of meaning. The sad part of this is that none of it exists outside of that created world, they become detached from society and know not how to act around people. I have seen this first hand through my younger brother, now 17, he is weird around people. He never learned how to function outside of his room, so outside functions with lots of people make him uneasy and he panics creating either an uneasy situation or a hasty rude environment. It is sad, I wish the world for him, but he insists on sitting in front of the TV where he can be a master at something and be filled with a false confidence that will not get him anywhere. Not to say that he isn't getting anywhere, he just has no clue to what life is and can be. At 15 I was working, playing ball, and keeping a high gpa while being as involved in school and outside community events as I could. Same for my older brother. My parents grew soft with him, they are not firm. They blame it on his generation, saying that they are all like this. That if they were to stop him than he would become the weird one is his group of friends. He has a generation of softies, I understand this, that doesn't mean he needs to hide form things behind his false sense of confidence. Sure online when he has a kill streak of godly proportions he feels the inclination to let the other players know of his awesomeness. Since these players are not sitting in the same room and can do nothing but take it in and try to retaliate via the video game they become outraged soon cursing at the tv then their parents the who knows is next. Sure the video game is in graphic nature and gore, but it is the detachment from people and normal way of communication, and self sense of value that I feel is the true problem with video games.

That is why I enjoy the Nintendo Wii so much. It doesn't create an isolation from humanity. It brings people together to play silly games that everyone can enjoy. Then again it is not perfect because of coarse Nintendo wants to be apart oft the online revolution as well and they do take part in contributing to the problem as well.

I guess you could always try to promote board games instead!

I think all online content should have a E.S.R.B rating on mature.

Ratings dont do squat.
 

Ratings on video games won't do squat unless the parents actually care enough to consider them in the first place. I have seen parents purchasing video games with their kids that are just horrific and the parents have no idea what they are buying, nor do they seem to care as long as their child is quiet and not bothering them. Having the word GAME attached to some of these products kind of hides what they really are. This is a parenting issue plain and simple.

Some parents try their very best to teach their kids to be good people with limits, curfews, counseling, and using a watchful eye, and they still turn out to be idiots, morons, and freakshow candidates. The bottom line is that we have to try our best to instil whatever qualities we hope to see in them as adults, and then pray like hell that something sticks. We all have free will and will turn out the way we want no matter how hard our parents try to protect us.

Case in point. I grew up in the projects outside of Philidelphia watching all of my so called friends falling into crime, drugs, and just some God awful stuff, with most of them ending up in jail, mental institutions, or dead. I made up my mind shortly after moving into the porjects (1969) that this was not the kind of life I wanted for myself. I overcame by joining the US Navy at 18 after living on the streets for about a year. Several of those friends tried following my example, but they just never reached that point mentally of wanting to change their lives for the better. Its all about the choices you make and your level of determination.

I think video games are here to develop a portion of the youth into what the government will need for virtual soldiers in the next 10 or so years.


I.e. 25 years ago we were programming our own games on a TRS-80 (think development of higher power computers)

20 years ago we were on to boxed games like atari and nintendo that involved strategy on the fly (think tank unit/infintry coordination)

15 years ago it was all about flying/driving games (think UAV opperator)

10 years ago it's blood and guts street warfare games (wanna desensitize someone for urban warfare?)


It is definatley a cooky point of view, I know, but why not??? Remember the SR-71 was designed in the late 50's early 60's and we didn't even know about it till the late 80's. The government is so far ahead of the open market, things like the iphone 4 are a 20 year ago type of thing to them...
Random rambling, I'm not realy this out there :lol:

Some interesting viewpoints, definitely..

Definitely didn't think of some of the reasons that some people raised on this thread..

Anyone have a counter-argument on why they should be banned?
I could see it as, they desensitize peoples emotions towards death, and the other such (in some cases, I guess), and can also spark the interest in weaponry which could lead to mass killings, by deduction, or turn out to be massive gun nuts and game hunters, etc.

If a law does pass banning all "violent" video games, what will end up constituting "Violence", and how far will the game banning go... In addition to a game ban, people (Especially minors) will just find other ways to get them, as well as playing them. Look at how many potheads, crackheads and such are still on the street!

Wouldn't banning a game also violate some sort of law, amendment, or right of what we can do and what we can't? (Like what if the Gov't shut down all media... Doesn't that violate the right of speech... Given they don't make up a weird, "legitimate" excuse?)

Games could be considered time-wasters, in a good way; towards those "Crackheads/Potheads" or violent kids that shouldn't be roaming the streets, instead they're playing these games. I guess this could also have a negative influence...

I've been thinking about this throughout the day.

It all comes down to the parents letting their kid play what games they think are acceptable for their children. Bad parenting is the cause of all the social problems which may be related to video games. It it up to the judgment of the parent to decide how much is too much time gaming. They need to decide if the games are hurting their grades or social lives. The parents need to push their kid to get a job and/or participate in extracurricular activities.

Legally, an age ban won't work. Kids will always be able to get games from older friends, siblings, and parents who play themselves or just don't care. Banning the games outright is one of the stupidest things I can think of doing. It would be like banning skateboarding everywhere because it is associated with drugs. And then if violent games are banned, you get the problem of enforcing it. Impossible. There will be a black market, like jerry said. There will be tax dollars going into enforcing the ban.

The economy would probably take a hit from the giant video game industry being crippled. A majority of gamers play first person shooters on major consoles, and I bet a majority of them would stop gaming.

About banning the games from adults,,, It's a pathetic idea. I'm liking the libertarian party's views more and more the more I learn about them. People should be able to do whatever the hell they want. If a 22 year old man would rather play video games than get a wife, so be it. There's a 4 year old boy smoking 4 packs a day in Idea and he's not hurting anyone but himself. My friend plays video games online with a drug dealer from New York who plays all day long in between sales. That is his choice.

[rant]
It pisses me off how the government and our politicians think they should control everything. They don't really care about the issue they just do what their supporters and party want. All they care about is satisfying their greed. How politicians can justify spending tax dollars on useless crap like bridges to nowhere and moth research museums dumbfounds me. National debt. What a ridiculous thing. "We don't have any money for our useless programs, lets lower taxes. While we're at it, lets start a long war and, instead of raising taxes, lets lower taxes even more! That's what we promised to get elected by the way.." Well before we get into high school, we learn somewhere along the line that you can only spend money if you have it and earn it. Our politicians, and the People in america, must have forgotten that somewhere along the lines. Darwin's theory isn't working fast enough, the dumb people have ruined the country.

An idiot could realized social security and medicare aren't going to work much longer and should be ended asap. Furthermore our government is corrupt with extreme partisanship. The republican party nominates the most conservative candidate and the democrats nominate the most liberal candidate. This has made our two parties polar opposites so they can't get anything done.
[/rant]

Back on the subject of games, I was playing Battlefield for a couple hours today after I cleaned all of the black Friday packaging out of my room. My dad said I should get out of the house, yet he didn't make me. I ended up taking an e-bike ride as snow will be on the ground soon. I think what he did is a good parenting strategy. He has expectations of me. If I would have spent the whole day on the computer, he would become more strict about how long I play. I have earned privileges through good behavior and video games is one of them.

Banning stuff is a bad idea. Unless it is given to a popular vote (with 95% plus required to pass, not 51% "majority crap")

Letting the gov't do anything other than fix the roads and possibly find a decent presidential candidate will lead to major issues (see our current economic situation for examples of this).

As far as violent vid games , well, if you are dumb enough to think that real life and video games are one- the same you need to be left out on a cold night... I doubt they really do much more than give kids carpal tunnel and help with the obesity problem. They fall under the parental control umbrella and who am I to tell parents how to raise their kids. I just do not swerve when the kids play in the street. And I love to elbow kids in the head when they walk towards me and are not paying attention. HAHAHAHA.

No of this (save for the not swerving part) should go in your paper. Anyone with any sort of higher education will immediately know that this came from me, the pimp, and will likely have you burned at the stake for plagarism, or whatever punishments schools use these days.

Could care less about the guy with no wife.

Asscociating with drug dealers in any way is a bad idea... Unless you really need the drugs.

As for the 4yr old smoking, well he is polluting the air and that does affect others. Personally I would like to see him eat the 4 packs a day, and then be sealed into a small box (pot-o-gold?) and pushed down a mountain, like everest. Now that would be a good you-tube vid. I suggest we get organised to do this. I will have the pot-o-gold people deliver a porta-john to the smokers house, then arrange to have it air lifted to everest. All we have to do is force the kid to eat all of the smokes, nom,nom...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHA.
Looks like James is having a fun night...
I did immediately think about you when I mentioned "weaponry", I was gonna say "and turn out like James... what a horrific man, anyways..."; but felt bad for you..

Anyways, good thing you brought up obesity (like me), and carpal tunnel...
I completely forgot about carpal tunnel and obesity, and will make as a great counterexample :yes:

Just saying
 

The point you made about video games not having anything to do with what happens in real life really doesn't work either James. Well that only works for those people who may see things from the perspective of having some level of intelligence. that only covers about 40% of the entire population(maybe less). This is the root of the problem, because the other 60% (majority rules) see things somewhat differntly than you or I do, hence the Culombine shootings.

These idiots played video games most of their pathetic lives unsupervised, and somehow transfered that level of thinking into real life society killing off the people who did not agree with their way of thinking. We are seeing this more & more as time marches on and these video games become extremely violent. Its the pathetic nerds, freaks, and weirdos who are being picked on throughout their school lives for being different that are getting fed up with being treated like farm animals and are now acting out in the same manor that they get to do in these video games. But the problem is not the video games. It is the two parents who knew they should not have been together in the first place, but wanted to piss off their parents so the got hitched and created Jonny who now is some kind of inbreded freakshow who just cannot go to the bathroom without peeing all over his own feet that becomes our problem. So yes the two are connected in some way even if we fail to see it.:na:

Wow, what an image you can create Jerry!

I think you have a valid point, however, you never know if the games are the prime cause of the violent shootings.
I believe I may have read some shooters were simply ill, (mentally), and had not taken their meds, nor were supervised properly (parents..) which could have led to their shooting. In which case, the games they play could have simply been a coincidence..

Just an observation about this thread. It seems to be revolving around parental control. I don't know what shootings have been linked to gaming but it sounds like the ban is being considered as a result of youth irrationality.

:lol: That's great!

The ban won't stop violence. There has always been violent crime and there always will be. The ban could also make more violence,, Instead of Mexican drug cartels we'll have Blizzard, DICE, Infinity Ward, and Treyarch start an illegal violent game trade here in America causing substantial killings and deaths. That'll show the politicians who's boss. :mdr:

Just a few random (rambling)thoughs:

1) Desensitization: Its real, and its been happening since the advent of media. In some regards its been an important part of our society, in others not so much. Do we as a society need to draw the line somewhere?

2) Parenting: Back in the 70's and 80's we heard the same things in regards to music and TV "Need better parenting, not more control". Now in 2010, I can see partial nudity on prime time TV, discussion of sexual acts that my parents would have no idea existed, and quite a few words that I would be appaled if my grand children used them (not that I'm an angel...). Children look at adults and watch what we do more than they listen to what we say (this is a lesson I learned firsthand, too late, from my own kids). Example: Our 18 yr old recently started dropping the F-Bomb with great frequency, while conversing with me. I told her to stop talking like that in front of us. Her response was why doesnt it bother me if her mother talks like that (wifey darling can talk like a trucker at times...).

3) It takes a village to raise a child. Yes, it does. The standards of society greatly influence how effective a parent can be. If underage drinking were considered an acceptible activity where you live, how hard would it be for you to keep you kids from doing it... Every different area has its own little "standards of living" that children/young adults quickly adapt to, and it is extremely difficult as a parent to guide them away from things you deem undesireable in that environment. I'd also like to know how many of you that state that "its bad parenting" have actually raised a child or two through their teenage years??? I'd bet I'm one of two on this forum. What I hear there (and in other instances where that is said) is that its not my responsibility to do anything here, somebody else fix this problem. I dont disagree with this in general, but at some point, we as a "village" must put our foot down and say enough is enough.

4) Censorship: Bad, Bad, Bad. But....Age restrictions do work in general. Generally speaking, you dont find many 12 year olds with an adult video library, or a beer fridge in the closet. So to say that age bans arent effective is short sighted.

5) I agree with Jerry on games being a general waste of time. We didn't have them in the house until I bought the PS3 for playing bluerays. I'll raise my hand when asked if I have also spent too much time on them. Its waaaayyyy to easy to find yourself sitting in the same chair after 5 hours straight (or more). I really like the approach the Wii brought to the gaming front - hopefully more family interaction and activity will help.

6) What did you all think of the recent bans on that "Loco" energy drink saturated with alcohol? Dont really care? Is that because it wasnt something you didn't care for anyway? Hmmmmm......food for thought there........
(ps. I have a personal connection to that recent situation)...

The problem in the end is you can't ban stupidity which is what leads to the issues in the first place.

People have been finding ways to be stupid and useless since the beginning of time, long before Johnny Knoxville, Marilyn Manson, and Video Games were around to corrupt our children.

It comes down to parenting. Parents who spend time with their children teaching and playing produce productive children. Parents who don't and let "others" do that for them turn out useless humans.

I don't think there is anything wrong with violent video games and neither do any of my victims, after I hose a room down with fully automatic machine gun fire I always shout out "If you think violent games should be banned put your hand up now" and so far 0.000% have raised their hand as a negative response towards video games.















Normally they just LOL and spawn at the other end of the map.

About the FourLoco ban, I find that as kind of ridiculous myself. I have never drunken it but I doubt it can be as bad as Absinthe or a host of other beverages. If people want to be stupid and drink too much liquor they will, regardless if it's Fourloco or not. The redbull and vodka drinks are popular and are pretty much the same thing. In fact, alcohol is lethal in general and is responsible for about 75,000 deaths per year, 40,933 of those being car crashes that killed innocent people. How many people do shootings kill per year? Don't get me started on Tobacco, that's 440,000 deaths per year with about 3,000 deaths from secondhand.

Sorry, I know it is a bit off topic, but you could maybe use that as an argument

You can find tons of sources on this stuff too.
Source
Source 2

Oh, and this was written in 2007, but is states 323 students have died from 1992-2007. This is hardly even a problem. People just get riled up and it's good for the news networks so they play the hell out of this stuff.
Source 3

Agreed. Let's ban bad parenting. I seriously wish there was a parenting test you had to take before having a child to verify that you weren't stupid. But, that sort of thing will not happen anytime soon, and probably shouldn't.

FourLoco; I can kinda see where people are coming from about these malt beverages, they are very diceiving about the amount of punch they have !

Not for a second am I bragging but I'm a big guy and I looove my beer, I can drink a 18pack of Budweisers with no problem and function normally(very buzzed) but still pass for sober. I drank 2 of those Loco's one afternoon shortly after a lunch and I was TANKED.
They will do a number on the lesser trained alcoholic or a partying young adult.

Their is such thing as video game addiction and if parents don`t pay attention they may wish they had.
Here in Canada their was young man(in his teens) who ran away and died(exposure to cold).He was playing xbox live for atleast 8 hour or more a day and when his parents actual caught on it was to late.
I myself like World of warcraft,but I don`t think i could play it if I had children because of all negative talk about drugs,sex and racial s and homophobic slurs that are used on the global chat channels.
Also rating to have effect if stores like Walmart enforce their policy to not sell to minors if the E.S.R.B rating is mature.

no, they should not be banned.


and to all the parents who think the video games are ruining their kids minds...umm yea please stop relying on letting the video games be the babysitter and assert yourself and learn to say NO

Video game addiction is very real. I was addicted to video games since the 6th or seventh grade until the end of High School. Biggest regret in my life is wasting my time on that stuff. In High School, it was World of Warcraft and wow, what a waste of time that was. I'd play it 12-18 hours a day and it was a very real problem. Video games can be an addiction just like drugs and alcohol can be, minus the physical aspect of it. I finally smartened up, got a girlfriend, and no more video games for me. If, for every hour I played a video game I had a dollar, I'd have an extra 15-20 grand sitting around. Wouldn't that be nice?

And I've never bought anything from Walmart, but I know target and Gamestop enforce the ESRB rating around where I live. Also, on the ratings, it says something like "online experience may vary", but I think that should change to "Online experience may not be appropriate for those under the age of 18", because even E rated games can be VERY mature online due to the fowl language used by other players.

So do you have bad parents?

I typed out a long response about my childhood, but I figured I would just say this.
Yes, have bad parents, but I don't hold it against them.

Hmm - that's not the angle I was hoping for! Sorry to hear that though.

Haha yeah I figured, it's all good though.

Finished..
Not exactly how I wanted it to go, but, it's alright..
Probably trash in some eyes...
I had to really dumb it down, and repeat things to meet some requirements my teacher wanted me to hit..

C&C?
Link:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/4338252/Pers...ssignment.docx

Unfortunately I wasn't able to hit a lot of your guy's ideas (believe me, I tried, I made a huge outline based off of it..) but it was mainly because I had so many statistics and info, I wasn't able to properly link all of them (definitely going to take out some info and expand and link all the ideas posted together... I'll be doing that this week when we are allowed to change up our draft. One of the biggest problems of that draft is that I squeezed so much information into a few paragraphs, it messed things up. ( my first speech research essay so I was tryin to follow an outline...

Oh well.
Could use some advice of placement and others....
Thanks guys!
It was a real help (and hopefully will still be) !

Just some C&C for you since you asked. I'm not a writer nor an English teacher, so take these with a grain of salt if you wish. :oops:

I would suggest you add in quotes for Dr. Lorenza Colzato's and Darcia Narvaez's studies, helps substantiate your claim and teachers usually love quotes (unless your teacher instructed you otherwise).
As for the studies of 22 teenage gamers at the bottom of page 2, maybe cite the actual study or the specific researcher/research group to give it more credibility.
On the last paragraph on pg 3, you might want to rephrase it say that video games cause heightened reaction in another way, rather than saying that without video games we won't have those heightened reactions; as sports and a host of other activities increase awareness and reaction time as well.
And finally at the end of page 4, you may want to show an example or supporting evidence that taxes will raise, as it is somewhat unsubstantiated in your essay.

Good job on the essay though, I would just suggest to add in hard evidence via quotes and specific studies to strengthen your argument. The more fact you have behind your argument, the better the essay. I don't know how your teacher grades, but you also may want to go through (slowly) and fix a few grammatical errors throughout the essay, as it might save you a few points (or maybe more depending on how much they like grammar). I can proofread it for you and send you a copy if you'd like me to, but there weren't really that many.

Again, I'm no English teacher, just my thoughts. :yes: Good luck with it!

Edit: Also, one thing I didn't touch on, you may want to try to split up your paragraphs even more in order to separate your arguments from each other.

I don't know abou quotes but he specifically said not to cite sources but instead say "According to.." etc.

You know I didn't think about other things that would also heighten these abilities, but now I know! Sweet.

I will definitely add some more hard examples and facts..

As far as the grammatical things goes, I usually have quite a bit in m papers when I'm thinking on a track, I just can't complete a word (I said person, not personal, etc) as I just keep continuing my thought.
I usually reread it a few times before submitting it or printing it but I'll be doing that tomorrow, so...

If it's no trouble, it's be very useful to get another copy!

Ah yes, I was debating whether I would segment it up, however I wasn't sure if myteacher wanted a strict 5 paragraphs or if I could split them up into segments... One of the things I was going to ask him tomorrow :D

Thanks again for the advice!

Agree
 

I agree with the points he made as well. I forget who it was, but the last guy we helped a couple of months ago with his essay won some kind of monitary award. Granted it was still his writeup, but we helped him tweek it here and there until it flowed a little bit smoother, and the errors were dropped. I don't really have the time on this one to read through the whole thing and make adjustments myself. Sorry.

There are a few guys in here who could surely add some support to your efforts without rewriting the whole report. Like stated keep each paragraph on one argument and start another one for the next subject matter. Good luck with your reporting.

Respectfully, Jerry Seoul, Korea.

PS: oh and don't forget to come back in here and let everyone know how it worked out for you.

No worries, I get the same way sometimes as well when writing papers. You want to keep going on with your thought before you lose it!

I will get to completely proofreading it tomorrow night if that is ok, it's 1am here and I'm too tired to be of much help right now :lol: