Realtionships
 

here is a joke thread my wife sent me


Relationships

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.

And then the fight started....

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her
not as much as the dress she wore yesterday

and then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- ---- ----- ------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and
to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed
at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And then the fight started.....

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----


My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

dude. those are awesome!

thanks man. I needed that.

my sides hurt. :rofl:

:lol::lol:

those are all very funny. great jokes!

:lol:

You may have seen this one before, but just in case you haven't
I'm sure you'll enjoy.

>
> A store that sells new husbands has just opened in Chicago,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions
at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

> You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are
> six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper
> ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a
particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you
cannot go back down except to exit the building!
>
> So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
> Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
> She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where
> the sign reads:
> Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
> 'That's nice', she thinks,'but I want more.'
> So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
> Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are
Extremely Good Looking.
> 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
>She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
> Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are
Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
>Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
> Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead
Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong
Romantic Streak.
> She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor,
where the sign reads:

> Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
> to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
>
>
>
> PLEASE NOTE:
> To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New
Wives store just across the street.

> The first floor has wives that are beautiful and love sex.

> The second floor has wives that are beautiful, love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

hahahahhaha!!!! very nice! i like!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Q: How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting too fat?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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A: When she fits in your wifes pants.......

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

That is AWESOME!!!!!! :lol: :lol:

My fav one :lol:

I heard that one different, the punch line is something like "she sits on a specific place and you can't hear the stereo"... I cleaned it up a bit for public consumption, but you guys get the point...

I dont get it.



can you take a picture for me? :intello: