RC-Monster Forums - View Single Post - engineering scholarship essay. what do you think?

Arct1k · 01.25.2010, 07:50 AM

I agree with the comments above but I'm probably a bit harser - Not sure how old you are but as late 30's engineer I'm not sure this hits my buttons - Its all in the language:

Old
This may not seem like a huge achievement but at 6 years old I felt pretty cool.

New
Looking back this small achievement kindles a passion for understanding how things work.

Old
AOL had just come out and we had it on our computer so I went on and sat there waiting for five minutes until the homepage came up. After looking at all the types of engineering opportunities I had found out that the computer-software type was the right one for me.

New
From the age of 8 I was introduced to computers as home and was always instantly fascinated by their ability to connect me to anywhere in the world. As I've grown up fixing the family and friends computers and writing small software programs I've ben led towards a career in software engineering...

You should also focus on linking your paragraphs you jump mid flow to new topics which makes it difficult to follow and disjointed or worse still you just copied bits from google and through them together...

Example - You flip mid sentence
Our family always had a computer in the house, and I have always used it for entertainment purposes and an informational tool. Whenever something went wrong with the computer my parents would ask me if I was able to fix it, and even though I had no idea what was wrong I could always find a way to get it working again. There are a number of skills that are needed in order for someone to be a successful engineer. Everyone can go through college and get their degree, but once you are in the field and start working on projects there are some skills that no teacher can teach you. An Engineer must be persistent, curious, patient, ambitious, and hard working, just to name a few. Above all, the most important aspect to be an engineer is to be a good problem solver, and have the will and desire to solve any problem that comes your way.

BUT this resume has to be you otherwise it will show very quickly that you got someone else to write it... If you don't talk this way you can't write this way...

PS above isn't perfect its 6:50 am I'm late for work but wanted to give you something...

	(#11)
Arct1k RC-Monster Mod Offline Posts: 6,597 Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NJ	01.25.2010, 07:50 AM I agree with the comments above but I'm probably a bit harser - Not sure how old you are but as late 30's engineer I'm not sure this hits my buttons - Its all in the language: Old This may not seem like a huge achievement but at 6 years old I felt pretty cool. New Looking back this small achievement kindles a passion for understanding how things work. Old AOL had just come out and we had it on our computer so I went on and sat there waiting for five minutes until the homepage came up. After looking at all the types of engineering opportunities I had found out that the computer-software type was the right one for me. New From the age of 8 I was introduced to computers as home and was always instantly fascinated by their ability to connect me to anywhere in the world. As I've grown up fixing the family and friends computers and writing small software programs I've ben led towards a career in software engineering... You should also focus on linking your paragraphs you jump mid flow to new topics which makes it difficult to follow and disjointed or worse still you just copied bits from google and through them together... Example - You flip mid sentence Our family always had a computer in the house, and I have always used it for entertainment purposes and an informational tool. Whenever something went wrong with the computer my parents would ask me if I was able to fix it, and even though I had no idea what was wrong I could always find a way to get it working again. There are a number of skills that are needed in order for someone to be a successful engineer. Everyone can go through college and get their degree, but once you are in the field and start working on projects there are some skills that no teacher can teach you. An Engineer must be persistent, curious, patient, ambitious, and hard working, just to name a few. Above all, the most important aspect to be an engineer is to be a good problem solver, and have the will and desire to solve any problem that comes your way. BUT this resume has to be you otherwise it will show very quickly that you got someone else to write it... If you don't talk this way you can't write this way... PS above isn't perfect its 6:50 am I'm late for work but wanted to give you something...