Random question about friends and girls.

[BP-Revo]

Alright, some of you might recall about my prom advice thread or whatever. Anyway I went to prom with her and now we are going out but one of my best friends is doing some weird stuff (well, weird to me, at least). I'm not sure whether I'm overreacting and being oversensitive cause she's my first girl or whatever but then again he's doing some weird crap. Like, he texts her all day long, wants to take her to the movies (alone), wants to take her to anime expo, and other crap (again, alone). One of the english teachers at school handed students a list of things to do on a date, and he wants to take her to one of those places.

I've mentioned it a bit to him and he doesn't seem to understand what he is doing and why I'm seeing it as weird, instead he gives half assed excuses and then gets all riled up and calls me defensive.

Am I being oversensitive or is he doing weird crap?

I'm only asking on here cause third party opinions are very helpful.

[kulangflow]

Interesting situation. When I was in high school I had a friend who would always try to steal whoever I was going out with. He never could, but he always tried. It was pretty annoying. He'd never admit to it either, but it was more than obvious to everyone else.

In my situation, I just laughed it off because the girls would say no to him. Does your girl want to do all the stuff he wants her to do? If so, you might just let her and move on.

Good luck!

-Happily Married in Mapleton

[JERRY2KONE]

Look you are obviously a very young man who has a lot of life to go through. I would ask her straight up how she feels about this guy and about you. You can gage your direction from that. He obviously has no respect for you as your friend, and hence he is not a true friend to you. What he is doing is totally disrespectful and he needs his lights knocked out. If she is important to you then you have to show her how you feel and be honset with her. One thing that took me many years to figure out is that we spend way too much time in the courtship dance trying to feel out situations for the sake of avoiding embarrassment or rejection, but the best way is to just avoid wasting time and communicate directly to the point. you may get shot down, but at least you will not waste any time getting there and you can move on quickly. If you are anything like most of us you will go through many young women along the path of life. We would all love to meet the woman of our dreams and have them at our side throughout life, but that is not the way real life goes. Good luck with that.

[MTBikerTim]

From your description he is obviously interested in her whether he denies it or not so there is no point asking him. Talk to the girl.

[Sammus]

Was he doing it before you guys were together? In school there were a few girls I was friends with, but it was a strictly friends thing, they had boyfriends and I had a girlfriend but i could still hang out with em separately just like I would any friend.

[Hickoryhead]

One thing I have learned about relationships is that you need to be direct. Like everyone else stated go to the girl. See what she wants. IF she is interested in you then plan things from there. If that’s the case a good way to get him to back off is embarrass him in front of your girl. Bring it up and make sure every one including your girl knows what you’re talking about. Embarrassing him will work better than throwing punches. Although I do suggest punches if he doesn't back off. Some guys just don't get the idea of "my girls taken" and think any girl is free game. Good luck with your first one. They are always a handfull.

[ICUBoy]

Get a lathe. More satisfying and cheaper in the long run.
Otherwise Jerry2Kone says sensible things. Respect yourself and the girl. If you lose on that basis you have won.

[Dafni]

Yeah, what the other guys said.
Go and talk to your girl about it. If she wants to be together with you, she should turn that other guy down once and for all. And she will, if you mean anything to her and if you tell her that you get annoyed by that other guys behaviour.

[Arct1k]

He's a little out of order if he knows you are "dating" or like her - certainly not acting as a "best friend" should. Saying that I didn't know my friend and I both liked the same girl.

We started dating on the quiet when he found out there was a little explosion and lets just say it ended up with a fist through a door. Anyway we are still best friends, the girlfriend is my wife and I'm going to his wedding in two weeks...

Have a chat to your "best friend" but generally mates are worth more than girls but he's not much of a mate to do this to you...

[TexasSP]

I am with the other guys here. the only thing I will add as that you are young with plenty ahead of you. Be honest with both of them and if it doesn't work out for you, move on, there will always be others. The biggest mistake I made in high school was getting too serious with a girl from my sophomore year and dating for 3 years. The problem being is we stayed together just to stay together and I didn't experience the fun side of dating different girls through high school. That is how you start to learn about women, but more about yourself and your likes/dislikes and must haves/can't stands. My real point is don't let yourself get too worked up over it and get burnt out. It's not worth it and there are plenty of great women out there. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are always wondering if the girl is true to you, it's time to move on.

[lincpimp]

Originally Posted by ICUBoy

Get a lathe. More satisfying and cheaper in the long run.

This is excellent advise, problem is a lathe will only give up good machining, nothing else!

Best bet is to ask the girl what she thinks. If she wants to date you, fine, but make it exclusive. No point having "open" relationships. If she wants to hang out, do that, if she wants to have a relationship, do that. Do not bother with the ambiguous open relationship crap. And if the dude is your friend, talk with him. If he gives you BS, just let him know that you will point out any issues you have with him in public, loudly. Embarassing him in public will most likely get the point across. Sounds like a douche bag to me, I hate people like that.

[aqwut]

You have good advice there.. ask the girl.. it's only your first.. and probably won't be your last... My brother was lucky, his first girlfriend is his wife... Doesn't happen too often.. Be upfront, and ask where you guys stand.. simple and easy.. but I do like the lathe idea as well...

[TexasSP]

Linc has a good point about "open" relationships. I have known a lot of people married, dating, exclusive, and otherwise who have tried that and it doesn't work. Even guys that allowed another girl into the relationship then their girl ran off with the other girl.

Always talk and keep it honest.

[lincpimp]

Originally Posted by TexasSP

Linc has a good point about "open" relationships. I have known a lot of people married, dating, exclusive, and otherwise who have tried that and it doesn't work. Even guys that allowed another girl into the relationship then their girl ran off with the other girl.

Always talk and keep it honest.

Girl on girl, gotta love that! I bet they made off with his money too. He really is "living the dream" now!

[BrianG]

On the lathe idea: All I'm gonna say that it would most certainly NOT be just as satisfying (OUCH! ), but the part about being cheaper in the long run is certainly true...

I agree pretty much what everyone else is saying. Your "friend" is not a real friend. Time to find a new one. Whether you keep the girl depends on how she responds to your friend's advances...